i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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