I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
