then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
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Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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