Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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