: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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