My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
