Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
