In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
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he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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