belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
