Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
