Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
