Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
