It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
