in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
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I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
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But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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