He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
