Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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