Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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