i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
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Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
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I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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