Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
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probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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