He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
