Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
