my phone needs a breathalizer
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize