I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
