I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
