there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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