i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
