my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
