I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
