I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
What a dumb baby whore.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
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Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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