The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
