Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Randomize
