my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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