it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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