wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
