I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
