You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
