Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please