Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.