Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?