Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
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Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
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Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.