I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
