Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
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if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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