We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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