): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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