I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just found puke in my bra..
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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