remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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