You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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