community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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