At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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