My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
