i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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