i just wanna soil my oats bro
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
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