she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
sex in a hospital.. check
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
