the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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