I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
