Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
