My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
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Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
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I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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