I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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