just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
