she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
