You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
