Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize