Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Let's get the cat blown out
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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